Stop Running Icebreakers. Start Setting the Stage
Do you still start your sessions with questions like what superpower people have, where they are calling from, or what their favourite movie is?
And if you are honest for a moment — does it actually change anything?
Or are people still sitting there, half in, half out, waiting for the real conversation to begin?
Because that’s the truth most people don’t say out loud. Icebreakers haven’t become powerful — they’ve become noise. In many cases, they are simply a waste of time.
They are used because they are familiar, they have been seen in workshops, conferences, and training sessions, it feels like the right thing to do. But very few people stop and ask why they are doing it or what it is actually meant to achieve. And when something is not designed with intent, it rarely creates real value.
What Is The Start Of Your Session Really Meant To Do?
The problem isn’t icebreakers.
It’s that we’ve completely misunderstood what the start of a session is meant to do. The first few minutes were never about warming people up. They were about getting people ready — ready to think, ready to engage, ready to connect to what actually matters.
But instead, we start with something random… and then expect people to suddenly switch into focus.
That’s not how people work.
What Happens In The First Few Minutes — From a Brain Perspective?
In the first few minutes of any session, the brain is making a series of rapid decisions. It is evaluating whether something is relevant, whether it is worth paying attention to, and whether it deserves energy and focus.
These decisions happen quickly, and once they are made, they are not easy to reverse.
If the start of a session does not answer those questions, the brain does not fully engage. It stays at the surface level, and in some cases, it checks out completely.
This is where many icebreakers fail. They do not create relevance. They do not connect to the topic. They do not help people understand why they should invest their attention. Instead, they introduce something unrelated, which makes it harder — not easier — to engage.
Why Do Icebreakers Often Reduce Engagement Instead of Creating It?
When a session starts with something random, people enter a casual, low-focus mode. They respond socially, often without much depth of thought.
Then, without any transition, they are expected to switch into a more focused, analytical way of thinking.
That shift is not neutral. It requires effort. This is where cognitive load comes in.
The brain now has to change context, reorient, and re-engage with something new. Not everyone makes that shift successfully. Some remain passive, and others disengage entirely.
So instead of helping people engage, many icebreakers delay engagement and create unnecessary friction at the exact moment where focus matters the most.
What Actually Helps People Engage From The Start?
If the goal is real engagement, then the focus needs to shift from creating energy to creating relevance.
This is where the idea of setting the stage becomes critical.
Instead of trying to “break the ice,” the goal should be to align people’s thinking with the topic from the very beginning. This means helping them see the problem, recognise it in their own experience, and start thinking about it before any content is introduced.
When that happens, engagement is no longer something you have to force. It happens naturally.
What Is The Difference Between Small Talk And Setting The Stage?
Small talk asks questions that are easy to answer but disconnected from the purpose of the session. Setting the stage asks questions that require reflection and connect directly to the topic.
For example, asking someone about their favourite holiday destination might create a moment of interaction, but it does not move anything forward.
Now compare that to asking someone to think about the last time they were in a session that felt like a waste of time and what made it feel that way.
That question immediately shifts the conversation. It triggers memory, reflection, and personal experience. It also prepares the brain for what is coming next, because it is already thinking about the problem you are about to explore.
This is the difference between activity and intention.
What Should You Be Asking Instead of “What Icebreaker Should I Use”?
Instead of focusing on what activity to run, the focus should shift to what thinking needs to happen.
What do people need to realise before you begin?
What do they need to question?
How can they connect it to their own world?
These are the questions that shape a strong opening.
The purpose is not to entertain or to fill time. It is to create the conditions for a meaningful conversation.
Are You Designing Activities — Or Designing Thinking?
And here’s the shift that changes everything:
Stop designing activities. Start designing thinking.
You don’t need something more creative. You need something more relevant.
A simple, well-placed question that connects directly to the topic will always outperform the most creative icebreaker that doesn’t.
Why Do Some Sessions Feel Flat — Even With Good Content?
If your sessions feel flat, it’s rarely because the content isn’t good enough.
It’s because people never truly arrived.
And they didn’t arrive because nothing in the beginning gave them a reason to.
What Would Change If You Started Differently?
If the start of your session created relevance instead of noise, the entire dynamic would shift.
People would arrive mentally, not just physically. They would engage earlier, think more deeply, and connect more strongly to the content. Conversations would move faster, go deeper, and actually lead somewhere.
Because when people see themselves in the problem from the start, you don’t have to pull them in.
They’re already there.
So instead of starting with small talk, start with something that makes people pause, reflect, and recognise themselves in the problem.
And that is where real impact begins.
If you want to go deeper into this and truly understand how facilitation works based on neuroscience, then Training from the BACK of the Room will change how you design every session going forward.
And if you’re looking for something more practical to get started, watch our YouTube session where we break this down with real examples you can use immediately.
Because better facilitation is not about doing more.
It’s about understanding what actually works — and why.
